neurotic paradoxes

bianx

Sometimes, I don't get myself anymore. Why I am the way I was, why I leave QC for La Union. I always used to say that in La Union, I am happy. Now I know what the difference is between happy - La Union and happy - Manila - Now.

In La Union, I feel free. There is no limit to the hours I can go out, the places I can go to. I am free; some people call my name and I have no idea who they are. San Fernando is too small a town - it's a place where you can win small literary contests in and have everybody know who you are the succeeding days. I felt free; on days when I am extremely depressed, I could just go to the nearby surf capital of the North, San Juan, buy myself a beer and watch the sunset.

I have tasted the good life, really, having been subjected to the basketball treatment (where I used to be the ball and I get tossed around from one place to another, by my dad, my mom, my grandmom and an aunt) and Quezon City, Diliman, Meycauayan and La Union were the home courts. I've tasted luxury, I know what it felt like to live extravagantly from at least two out of the three home courts. But it all boils down to this: simple things - that's what makes me happy.

And again, happy, being the overrated word that it is, is just that again. A word. A word that I rarely use, but I'm using it now.

But what are simple things? Eat street food. Hang out at your fave spot without spending too much except for the occasional booze and obligatory cigarettes. Eat tocilog at your neighborhood Pares house. Taking long walks along Session Road and/or Burnham Park, alone. Watching passers-by and being fascinated by them while sipping your morning coffee. Going online for hours on end. Go to the mall and window shop. Go to the metal gigs that you so love. Soundtrip for hours while staring at the ceiling. Taking photos of random things. Simple things that do not involve money (or too much of it). Simple, fun things. Things that you do that are never high maintenance; things that you do that most people would say 'yuck' to.

Going back, happiness in La Union is happiness when I am alone. Now, although I am technically alone, I don't feel so lonely anymore.

I love hangouts. I love isaw. I love lamb. I love beef longganisa. I love everything about the last two weeks. Heck, include September. There is nothing that I would change, save for probably the initial purpose as to how it came to be. But I find it nice, and more of a blessing in disguise. 

Freeze moments. I hope it's possible. So I can put them in a li'l box and have an excuse to be nostalgic.